it's weird.

have you ever had someone when you were younger, play the smallest role in your life, but have the biggest impact?

then you find out that they're not at all who you thought they were?
you just put them on this pedestal before you really know about their life, because of what they've done to impact yours?

its happened to me a countless amount of times, and it's something i'm training myself not to do.
just recently i found someone i haven't spoken to in a VERY long time, a couple of years or so, but i guess i wasn't really expecting what i saw. or heard.

it's so strange because at the time i met them i was going through this crazy time where i was just getting to get to know God, but i was also getting to know the way the world really worked.
when i met this person, it was the biggest deal, i'd never met anyone like it. they were on fire for God, or at least at the time they were. they had this crazy drive and glow to them, which probably made them seem that much more appealing to me. i didn't even know anything about them, but i did know that they inspired me to want more of God, and just to feel what they felt overall.

after a short amount of time though, me and that person lost contact, and it had a way unhealthy impact on me. i didn't know how to handle even the smallest things like that.

to this day i feel like if that were to happen now, i would've reacted TOTALLY different.
but i was younger, and if it weren't for that experience i don't know how i'd be thinking to this day.


anyway, now that i see them, i almost feel like we switched place. they kind of went through this messy downfall (that i have yet to get the full story of >:|), while i had an uprising with God

with the way i look at things these days, i'd usually just say "why bother talking to them?"
but i still want to know the story behind it, you know?

i know it's happened so many times before, even to someone that's still very close to me to this day, but this time i want answers.
i want to know, how can you know the love of God, and give it all up?
how can you feel what i've felt, and STILL been able to just leave it all?

and don't get me wrong, it's not meant to be a judgmental thing, but i just need to know how one manages to do that. i know the struggles of temptation and all of that, but how do you fully revoke your relationship with God after experiencing it?

I'm still struggling on the decision of what to do to find out more of this persons story,
but I guess we'll just have to wait and see..