fear

its really screwed me up.

it's probably screwed you up too.

and over.

it's prevented me from doing so much, as well as witnessing and experiencing.

i know it's inevitable. i'll always feel fear and i can't just make it go away.

but i can at least try to control it a little more, right?

i need to remember it's okay to take risks.

i need to remember that even though it's out of my hands, God's doing something way more efficient with it than i would've.

wait for the big hand to reach the 9

the last 80 minutes are up
grab my things

i don't go to my locker anymore

normally the 2nd person on the bus
i always get the seat where the wheel is
it's the least bumpy
pretty convenient cause i always have to pee on the way

i'm the last stop
everyone gets off before me so i do embarrassing things
i feel satisfaction in knowing that no one will ever know (>:D)

smile at the bus driver
pleasant little walk home
there's only a car in the driveway on monday's
every other day i can work on a couple songs

take about 4 minutes to find my key
usually leave it in the door
no package today, hopefully tomorrow
i really do love packages.

bathroom, we're always out of soap but i press the thing anyway
food, "i forgot we had cheesesticks". everytime.

somethings dvr'd, its river monsters today. i should go watch it.


this is my routine, at least for the time being.
i like it a lot. but it's important to leave yourself open to change.
or else things could get boring.

whenever it changes, i'm sure it'll be nice. in a different way.

i need to start getting used to being around people more. or people in general.
it would be unfortunate to miss out on any opportunities.

i asked God for wisdom, slowly but surely, He's giving it to me.


p.s. i was talking about how i wanted a giraffe silly band. i've been keeping it a secret how bad i wanted one. but a really sweet girl gave me a hippo. i'm obsessed with it.

reflect.

today, for the first time in a very long time, i looked back.

10th grade imari, that was the imari that put down all the other imari's. once i left behind 10th grade imari, it wiped away every single imari before that

none of which were who i am today, and it just overwhelms me a bit - the extreme gap between who i am, and who i was about to be. one year ago.

it feels like forever though.
all i could think was, God is so big, i am so small. what makes ME so special that He took my life and turned it completely upside down? even after i completely turned my back on Him?

i know the answer, it'll just never cease to amaze me.

people question my faith, sometimes i even question my own faith.
but at the end of the day, i look at what God's done

He's created something out of nothing,
He took who i was and what i've done
He guided me from those who brought me down, and lead me to those who lift me up and that i could lift up as well.

how?! how could it be anything else?

well on a less intense note, Ecclesiastes has been helping a lot
i'm pretty sure i am now passing english and history
today i found out i was one of the few people that got a good grade on the last history test (quest, whatever.)

but yeah, i just finished Ecclesiastes 10, which means there's only 2 more left!
don't know what to read next, but it'll just happen, i know it =)

sup

i've been grumpy since i got back :^{|

i know i have. if you're reading this, and i've been grumpy towards you recently, i'm sorry. i really am.

i actually just wrote about half of this blog ranting about how i don't know why i've been so grumpy, then i realized:

i'm grumpy because i'm grounded.
inside, while we're having all this beautiful weather.

but that's my fault!
so the grumpiness ends now.
i just need to rough it out for the next 2 weeks and take all the time i can to do better so i can get out of this house.

also, my goal is to get done reading Ecclesiastes by Wednesday, i don't think i finished 1 Corinthians so i should get back on that next..
get those sketches done for everyone and hopefully work on some songs with mike and david.
and karina.
hopefully.
all together for once (...hopefully).

this isn't as much of a blog as it is a note.
i hope i remember to look back on it.
no, i will.

will i?

yeah.
i will.
bye!

work camp

it's come and gone.

i think this one was the best yet, mainly because no one knew what to expect, and we received the unexpected. a lot more kids went this year, and i was shocked to pretty much get to know at least a little more about all of them. it was amazing.

last year was about serving God, which seemed to go hand in hand with the whole work camp thing. but this year was about seeking God's wisdom. i guess i didn't realize how important it really was until this past week.

sorry i haven't posted in a while btw. (y'know, to my billions of readers out there.. dan)

as of right now i'm in a bit of a pickle as far as friends go, but i have peace knowing that God's provided me with the best friends a person could have and that i've already gotten closer to a lot of amazing people just in this last week.

the whole seeking God's wisdom thing excites me too. it kind of kicked me in the butt and made me want to learn more, about Him and how to do things His way.

as of right now i have a lot of free time on my hands, which means a lot more time to focus on that, and creating things. i've been making a LOTTT of songs lately, and we just had our first "practice" the other day and it all just seemed to kind of work together. i can't wait to see where that goes!

and as far as my art goes i've been taking as many opportunities as i can to use the talent God's given me and grow on it. i started working on redoing the church logo! so far they love where i'm going with it so good good news!

all in all my life has been going in a bunch of directions. crazy, good, bad.
regardless, it's hard to be sad when i know that God is ALWAYS about to do something incredible.