it's new years eve!

new year
a new year

that's what makes it important, at least to me. it's the anniversary of something ugly, but today is beautiful because of it. this whole year has been a blessing.

it hits so hard when i look at where i was last new years eve, and where i'm going to be this one.
i can't help but rejoice, its incredible.

so here's to the change God's brought, and is going to bring

here we go

hold on tight and don't let go.
i won't ever let you fall.

i love the night,
flying o'er these city lights,
but i love you most of all.



(i found this in an old cabinet.
it reminded me of that song)

i have a tail

have i ever mentioned that?

merry Christmas eve everyone! <3

expectations

i'm defying them, in every way possible.
by no means am i who i've been the past couple of years
and by no means do i intend to go back on my word

when i said i wont settle for anything less than what God had in store, i meant it

i will not be swayed so easily,
i will not let this heart go to waste.
it was never mine to begin with, so what right do i have to give it to anyone that doesn't know Him?

fellowship

i'm beginning to realize how important it is, because these past few weekends have been some of the best i've ever had
i've been blessed with great people to share the love of God with.
i love my friends, who are also my family.
He's really given me a new life, and it's made my faith that much stronger

it's incredible to witness God working in other peoples lives, and the fact that we all have different testimonies makes it that much more incredible

i guess recently i've just been noticing a lot of things, having to do with past friendships and current friendships. (probably because there was a service about it like, 2 sundays ago)

there are still so many people that chose to hold their grudges and live with that hate
but that's not living at all

and so i'm thankful,
i'm thankful for a new heart
i'm thankful for a new life

water

it's pretty much my biggest fear, for multiple reasons. not only is it the most overpowering and unpredictable element on the face of the earth, but it's one of the only things i haven't been able to capture in my art. i just got out of the shower, and i find myself thinking about all of this every single time. in all honesty, i spend the majority of my time in there watching each drop of water fall off my fingertips, all in different timing, all in different sizes and shapes, as if it was by their own will.

its so frustrating, it has no definite shape.
there's no exact form for me to go off drawing by memory, but even with all of these reasons to hate it, its the ONLY thing that i find this beautiful.

which is why it kills me. the one thing i can't fully capture is also the one thing i want to capture most.
it's unpredictable.
its like there's no limit to what it can do, or how it can do it.

it can calm or destroy, it can kill while being the very thing that keeps you alive. maybe this is all what makes it interesting though.

in fact, it almost feels better to love without fully understanding
it always means there's something new to learn..

richard dawkins

"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."

it's only human nature to take so much pride in what you think you know. but i couldn't help but ask, shouldn't someone who is so interested in understanding the world be just as interested in who created it? this man has a lot of strong opinions about religion, and what he believes is fact. another man by the name of voltaire also has equally as strong opinions. one quote that stood out to me was, "Of all religions, Christianity is without a doubt the one that should inspire tolerance most, although, up to now, the Christians have been the most intolerant of all men.", the reason being, (and as much as i hate to admit it) there is so much truth in it

as much as i'd love to defend the believers, we're living in a world where we've lost sight of why we even believe to begin with.

its this vicious cycle where we shun everyone who's turned from God, not realizing that we are doing the exact same thing.

many of us have taken so much pride in ourselves that the love of God is not the fuel for our faith anymore.
i believe that is the difference between Christians and Christ followers, the religion and the relationship

i did it

i finally did it.

unfortunately, i can't put into words why what just happened was so important.
but all i can say is, in anyone else's eyes, this would be so small

for me, this is huge.
i've never been able to stop something before it became way bigger than it was

its given me so much relief to know that i did it God's way this time
instead of just settling

so instead of being worried about how far i'll let things go before i turn to Him
i can rejoice and be excited for what he has planned for me next


it's pretty ill



(btw, that's me. on top of the world.)

"without everything,

i am nothing."

today i realized how many sketches i haven't finished, this is one i started over a month ago (i know, sad). i was planning on making a series of seven sketches, based on the seven deadly sins. i'd really love to finish this one, which is no where NEAR done. in fact this one, and lust are going to be my most intricate ones, but i haven't sat down in a while and just focused on one thing. i feel like i'm always busy with something; school, friends, family. i'd do anything to be in my own world again, at least for a couple of hours.

just, too many priorities. and too many distractions.

that's it for today though.
sorry it was so lame


next post will hopefully be something along the lines of jumping off the roof and flying for a change


until then, off to do homework.